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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29795781">an incomplete sentence</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictionboysarebetter/pseuds/Fictionboysarebetter'>Fictionboysarebetter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>unknown - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Oh, unknown - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:55:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>995</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29795781</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictionboysarebetter/pseuds/Fictionboysarebetter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>oh. </p><p>you ever feel guilty for something you cant control? i do. a lot. why cant everyone just be the same?</p><p>i think i am afraid of the dentist.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>an incomplete sentence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>... </p><p>i dont think this trigger warning has a name. be cautious moving forward, i think.</p><p>might be a true story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>day ???;; 2.13</p><p>today, i [redacted]. its pretty weak of me, im pretty sure. it isnt good, a lot of people say. is that true? i think theyre right. but maybe they arent. my best friend and my sibling are concerned. i wish i didnt tell them. i hope they forgot. if they saw this, i think they would feel guilty. why dont i trust them? maybe. i do trust them. to an extent. watching them try to express their concern or pity through text, or maybe not at all, is terrible. it makes my heart feel wishy-washy and stutter. i want to apologize for dumping that on them. whenever my sibling sees me throwing a fit and [redacted], they just avoid eye contact and say nothing. i think i prefer that, but validation, in theory, sounds nice.</p><p>day ???;; 2.16 </p><p>i wish i believed people easier. whenever i tell people that i know they probably dont like me, they just refute me and tell me how much i am to them. what would they even say if they did actually hate me? ‘yes, please allow me to cut off all contact with you’? they arent that type of person, so i know no matter how many pretty words they tell me i wish they would just tell me the truth. im sorry, i want to say, but i cant say sorry without a reason, and then i would have to tell them. they’d probably feel guilty. i dont want to inconvenience anyone. i promise. ill be ok, im pretty sure. thank you!</p><p>day ???;; 2.21</p><p>i think i am afraid of the dentist. today, i went to get a filling for two cavities. they told me to stare at the ceiling, and that is when they put the numbing juice into my teeth. it hurt a lot, and im pretty sure my eyes watered. they just left me there for, like, half an hour and then came back. i dont think the numbing juice worked. it felt like my teeth were being frozen. like there was a chill going through my mouth and hurting. i was really scared. my chest was rattling, like, super hard, even thouh i tried not to breathe too much. ouch. i cried. it was pretty embarrassing. my breath was really shaky, and it was hard to suck in air. my hands were almost as shaky as my lungs, i remember thinking. i couldnt talk properly in front of mom. i cried in front of her, too. i [redacted] twice later to even out the embarrassment. i got ice cream.</p><p>day ???;; 2.22</p><p>there is probably something wrong with me. i think i am viewed as funny, because i make a lot of jokes so people like me more. it works most of the time, im pretty sure. whenever people react negatively i want to go into the nearest bathroom and cry for a long time. and [redacted]. i think i am ruining myself. it is my fault i am so unfunny. they didnt like that joke for a reason, stupid. youre just not funny. i bet nobody really laughs at my jokes. i dont think i get much genuine laughs in person anymore. i wish i was funny.</p><p>day ???;; 2.26</p><p>i want to apologize to mom really badly. i think i am a disappointment. i bet when mom had to go through all that struggle with birth and stuff (i hear its super painful, poor mom) she didnt expect me to turn out so bad. i try to be really duper good for mom now, i promise! i get good grades and i have neat friends that like me. i used to [redacted], but it was different back then. it ruined my head when i did it. i didnt mean for them to find out. i think i inconvenienced her a lot, that day. i remember crying so much when she asked me about it. i thought i would be ugly forever. she might have thought so, too. she spent so much time and effort on the healing process because of my stupidity. i just wanted to be good at literature. sorry mom.</p><p>day ???;; 3.1</p><p>i feel really guilty. like, a lot. like, all the time. i think it would be neat to be normal. when i dont eat, i am wasting mom's money. when i eat too much, i am wasting mom's money and making her think i need so much. i dont, i promise. i can do it on my own! that makes you guilty, though, im pretty sure. you try to help and i just make it worse by being independent. im sorry. i can tell that you think im struggling. im pretty sure i am, if im honest, but it shouldnt be such a big worry for you to worry about me. you should focus on the me that gets straight a’s and makes fun of dad at the dinner table. and gets my sibling chocolate milk and snacks late at night when they are too afraid of the dark to leave. and is nice and so considerate of everyone! because you guys love hugs! i dont think i love hugs too much, but my sibling has made it clear they dont like being touched, but they probably want a hug! so i give out a ton of hugs! hugs for everyone, if you want one. goodnight!</p><p>day ???;; 3.3 </p><p>i really just would like to disappear with no repercussions. i think it would be better, but i also dont want to. for some reason, imagining my family having the privilege to converse and walk around like i never existed makes me cry. imagining thrm not mourning me also makes me really sad. this is a trap. the world is a trap, but leaving the world is also a trap, because im so selfish. im really sorry. [redacted] [redacted] [redacted]</p><p>]¥{}£}£}£}&gt;&lt;&lt;&lt;&gt;&gt;{~}}}}}}}}¥&lt;£&gt;£&gt;&gt;£&gt;£\~]£8§§§{|{}|}}~}~}~}¥&lt;&gt;¥&lt;£&gt;£&gt;£{;$’##&amp;#&amp;#&amp;#&amp;@$-*-&amp;-=$=#+=#&amp;#*</p>
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